How to Create a Boy-Friendly School

The subject of how boys are struggling in school and in life seems to come up regularly in the media. Several years ago, PBS ran a powerful documentary, Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Lives of Boys, which “explores the emotional development of boys in America today.” It describes American boys as “the most violent in the industrialized world,” and clearly shows that many boys are struggling in school, and unable to express their emotions.

A while ago, Newsweek published, Struggling School Aged Boys. Though the medium is different, the message is the same. Many boys, (according to the research) an extraordinary percentage of them, are having emotional or behavioral problems that are affecting their lives, and their ability and willingness to stay in school. Many of the problems are severe enough to cause parents to consult a doctor or health care professional.

As an educator, parent, and citizen of the nation that leads the world in fatherless families, violence and failing boys, I can’t stop thinking about the faces, and the voices of the boys in the film, and the issues and problems of the boys I see and hear about every day. So, the questions keep playing in my head … How can we do a better job of raising our boys? And, what can Oregon educators do to create a boy friendly school - a place where boys feel safe, welcome and able to learn and be themselves.
To clarify my thoughts, I contacted Marilyn Brown-Dikeos, whose program Empowered Learning includes strategies that teachers, mentors and parents can use to help boys feel safe and respected in the classroom. She offers the following insights and strategies.

1. Honor the risk of learning. Trying to learn something new can be risky for a boy who is afraid to fail. Help your student’s understand that learning is a process that includes trying, doing, and making mistakes. It is not about achieving perfection. Value a student’s attempts to master a new subject or skill. Celebrate effort and recognize even small accomplishments along the way.

2. Provide safe entry points to learning. Group learning and project based activities offer multiple entry points for students. The ability to choose a role or task which will allow him to work from his strength may help a boy feel confident enough to enter into an activity.

3. Allow students to self-evaluate. Many boys struggle in school because success and failure are tied up with their sense of themselves. A boy who gets a bad grade or fails a test is likely to feel stupid and embarrassed in front of his classmates. Rather than risk failing again, some boys simply stop trying. One way to work around this is to allow students to grade themselves according to the criteria you set. When they turn in a paper ask, “What grade do you think you earned?” Allow them to tell you how they might have done better. Remind a boy that understanding how to do better next time shows that he is learning.

4. Treat them with respect and kindness. Just because boys don’t show their emotions, we tend to treat them as if they aren’t there. In fact, research shows that boys are even more sensitive and more eager to please than girls. Treat them as if they are fragile. They are.

5. Provide opportunities for boys to talk about their feelings – through sports or chess or other games. Boys need to be reassured that their inner lives are NOT shameful, that play violence is not violence. Use their violent games and fantasies as a starting point for conversation or story writing.

6. Boys need to move around. Recess time is being eliminated as school days are shortened. Try to find ways to build action and motion into your activities and schedule.

7. Boys need to feel safe. They need an adult to talk to about bullies, fear, humiliation and their need to be protected. They also need an adult to show them that men are caring, compassionate and kind.
8. Offer opportunities for boys to resolve their own conflicts. Conflict resolution takes communication skills, the ability to listen, willingness to compromise, and often, creativity. It can help boys reflect on their actions, and see them from someone else’s point of view. Best of all, the ability to resolve a conflict without rage and aggression can result in friendship, something that no boy can succeed without.

Related Resources: For more information about this subject, help for parents, and classroom ideas, visit the following websites:
Raising Cain: Boys in Focus
http://www.pbs.org/opb/raisingcain/

The PBS Parents Guide to Understanding and Raising Boys
http://www.pbs.org/parents/raisingboys/index.html

Boys in School
How to help boys adjust to school and schools adjust to boys.
http://www.pbs.org/parents/raisingboys/school.html

Buy the Program
Raising Cain (DVD)
http://www.shoppbs.org/product/index.jsp?productId=2175911

Why Do Students Drop Out of School?

When asked this question, most people assume that kids drop out of school because they can’t handle the coursework. In fact, only about 35% of dropouts quit school because it’s too hard.

Some people think that kids drop out because they hate school – and feel alienated. That may be true for some kids, but the fact is, there is no “typical” dropout.

The reasons kids drop out of school are as complex and varied as their faces and their personal situations.
Here’s a list of some of the reasons kids drop out:

• Family trouble; poverty, violence, drugs, alcohol, too many responsibilities, needing to work and support family members.

• A family that moves a lot, especially in the city, so that the kid is forced to change schools often.

• Teen pregnancy.

• A bad attitude about school.

• The belief (not always inaccurate) that school is meaningless and irrelevant.

• Teachers and others who offer no help or support.

• Poor grades, failing, being held back a grade.

• Lack of involvement or motivation.

• Harsh discipline, suspension, probation for bad behavior.

• A difficult transition to ninth grade. (or fifth or third grade – yes the problem can start that early)

• Parents who are uninvolved, and negative about school

• Poor or no communication with families and support people.

• Absenteeism, consistent lateness and cutting class.

• Negative friendships with gangs or kids who hate school.

• Disregard for special needs, unrecognized talents, unencouraged abilities.

• Feeling like an outsider because of a learning disability or physical or other difference.

• Unacknowledged and sometimes untolerated language and cultural differences. It’s hard to learn in a situation where everyone is expected to share the same beliefs and learn in the same way.

Though this long list still doesn’t address all the potential risk factors, its important to keep in mind that sometimes the most unlikely kids succeed, and equally important, sometimes, the one who seems the most promising drops out.

Why? We think we may know.

Research has shown that no matter the situation, whether boy or girl, struggling student or gifted one, child from poverty or wealth, no matter the reason why they drop out, the reason kids stay in school is simple.

If they are going to stay in school and succeed in life, all kids need the same thing - All kids need strong, supportive relationships.

In fact, research shows that good relationships between kids at-risk and their teachers and/or mentors may significantly increase the chance that the student will not only stay in school, but increase their level of success throughout life.

Seems simple doesn't it? Yet forming strong relationships with kids can be one of the biggest challenges an educator or mentor can face. It takes heart and mind, and some creativity. How do you form strong relationships? What has NOT worked.

In the next post I will provide a surprisingly simple idea that does work, and takes no extra time or preparation.

Bullies & Victims: What Teachers, Mentors and Parents Need to Know

The topic of bullying (even the word is ugly) is in the news a lot lately. The following article, from Skipping Stones Magazine, (an International Multicultural Magazine)  contains good information, some advice and is a way to introduce this great resource.

Kids who feel unsafe in school are more likely to drop out. Even in the most caring school communities, many kids face disrespectful and sometimes abusive, bullying from other kids. This is one of the many challenges that students face today. may help teachers, mentors and parents identify and address bullying behaviors.

Students can be bullied because of as race, social status, sex, age, disability, physical features, or being otherwise different. Bullying can take the form of name calling, teasing, fighting or attacks, taking money, vandalizing belongings, and may result in anger, fear, sadness, insomnia, lack of appetite or withdrawal from activities. Falling grades, mood or habit changes, drug or alcohol problems or self-esteem issues may also result.

There is a fine line between bullying, school violence and violation of human rights. Bullying even violates some of the articles in the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights. For example, Article 12 of this declaration states: "No one shall be subjected to arbitrary interference with his privacy, family, home or correspondence, nor to attacks upon his honor and reputation. Everyone has the right to the protection of the law against such interference or attacks."

To empower your students against bullying, you may wish to share the following advice:

• Be kind and respectful to yourself and others. Minimize or avoid contact with people who diminish others.

• Believe in yourself. People can make you feel inferior only with your permission. If you strive to be a good person each day, no one can diminish you on the inside.

• Practice withholding judgments of yourself or others. Take the time to get to know people to end gossip (myths).

• If you are a bystander, report incidents of harassment to an adult. You will not be tattling. Rather, you will be alleviating the suffering of another student and creating a support network for someone in need of your empathy and compassion.

• If, as a bystander or victim of bullying, you do not get help from one adult, continue to look for an adult who can help and seek support from family and friends.

If students, teachers and parents everywhere work on this issue, eventually there will be less school violence in the U.S. and around the world. Everyone has the right to live in peace on Earth—free from harassment and intimidation.

-- Patricia Wong Hall, educator, Oregon.

Skipping Stones Magazine
P.O. Box 3939
Eugene, OR 97403 USA.
Telephone: (541) 342-4956