It’s All Because of Football

I’ve been reading a lot lately about the problems that boys are having in school these days, and thinking about the ever growing challenge of keeping them in high school long enough to prepare them to get a college degree. Even in my nice middle class neighborhood, I know that many parents are struggling with their sons, and their lack of academic engagement. That’s why it was such a thrill to learn that the boy next door, who has for many years seemed uninterested in school, has just been accepted into a teacher education program at the University of Redlands.

I barely had time to offer my congratulations to his proud mom when she burst out … “it’s because of football you know.” For this young man, his heartfelt desire to play college football, and the academic requirements he needed to fulfill in order to play in high school resulted in a commitment to his schoolwork, a college acceptance, and, according to his parents, a completely changed attitude, at school and at home. It took a lot of work, and cooperation between home and school, but the outcome is what we all hope for.

A number of the things that worked for my neighbor can be integrated seamlessly into the lists of suggestions in this blog and lots of other resources, about how to create a “boy-friendly school.” In my opinion, the key to making a difference is encouraging boys to read. To do this, it certainly helps to provide them with access to books, articles and stories that provide masculine themes and role models and topics that interest them – starting with sports.

To encourage more reading (and all the good things that results from that) make sure that all your students have easy access to sports magazines, adventure stories and biographies of sports figures. Whether it’s a story of conquering Everest, or winning the Super Bowl, research shows that boys like stories about overcoming a challenge.

So do I; stories about boys getting through high school and into college are just the kind of challenge I’d like to read more about.

How to Create a Boy-Friendly School

The subject of how boys are struggling in school and in life seems to come up regularly in the media. Several years ago, PBS ran a powerful documentary, Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Lives of Boys, which “explores the emotional development of boys in America today.” It describes American boys as “the most violent in the industrialized world,” and clearly shows that many boys are struggling in school, and unable to express their emotions.

A while ago, Newsweek published, Struggling School Aged Boys. Though the medium is different, the message is the same. Many boys, (according to the research) an extraordinary percentage of them, are having emotional or behavioral problems that are affecting their lives, and their ability and willingness to stay in school. Many of the problems are severe enough to cause parents to consult a doctor or health care professional.

As an educator, parent, and citizen of the nation that leads the world in fatherless families, violence and failing boys, I can’t stop thinking about the faces, and the voices of the boys in the film, and the issues and problems of the boys I see and hear about every day. So, the questions keep playing in my head … How can we do a better job of raising our boys? And, what can Oregon educators do to create a boy friendly school - a place where boys feel safe, welcome and able to learn and be themselves.
To clarify my thoughts, I contacted Marilyn Brown-Dikeos, whose program Empowered Learning includes strategies that teachers, mentors and parents can use to help boys feel safe and respected in the classroom. She offers the following insights and strategies.

1. Honor the risk of learning. Trying to learn something new can be risky for a boy who is afraid to fail. Help your student’s understand that learning is a process that includes trying, doing, and making mistakes. It is not about achieving perfection. Value a student’s attempts to master a new subject or skill. Celebrate effort and recognize even small accomplishments along the way.

2. Provide safe entry points to learning. Group learning and project based activities offer multiple entry points for students. The ability to choose a role or task which will allow him to work from his strength may help a boy feel confident enough to enter into an activity.

3. Allow students to self-evaluate. Many boys struggle in school because success and failure are tied up with their sense of themselves. A boy who gets a bad grade or fails a test is likely to feel stupid and embarrassed in front of his classmates. Rather than risk failing again, some boys simply stop trying. One way to work around this is to allow students to grade themselves according to the criteria you set. When they turn in a paper ask, “What grade do you think you earned?” Allow them to tell you how they might have done better. Remind a boy that understanding how to do better next time shows that he is learning.

4. Treat them with respect and kindness. Just because boys don’t show their emotions, we tend to treat them as if they aren’t there. In fact, research shows that boys are even more sensitive and more eager to please than girls. Treat them as if they are fragile. They are.

5. Provide opportunities for boys to talk about their feelings – through sports or chess or other games. Boys need to be reassured that their inner lives are NOT shameful, that play violence is not violence. Use their violent games and fantasies as a starting point for conversation or story writing.

6. Boys need to move around. Recess time is being eliminated as school days are shortened. Try to find ways to build action and motion into your activities and schedule.

7. Boys need to feel safe. They need an adult to talk to about bullies, fear, humiliation and their need to be protected. They also need an adult to show them that men are caring, compassionate and kind.
8. Offer opportunities for boys to resolve their own conflicts. Conflict resolution takes communication skills, the ability to listen, willingness to compromise, and often, creativity. It can help boys reflect on their actions, and see them from someone else’s point of view. Best of all, the ability to resolve a conflict without rage and aggression can result in friendship, something that no boy can succeed without.

Related Resources: For more information about this subject, help for parents, and classroom ideas, visit the following websites:
Raising Cain: Boys in Focus
http://www.pbs.org/opb/raisingcain/

The PBS Parents Guide to Understanding and Raising Boys
http://www.pbs.org/parents/raisingboys/index.html

Boys in School
How to help boys adjust to school and schools adjust to boys.
http://www.pbs.org/parents/raisingboys/school.html

Buy the Program
Raising Cain (DVD)
http://www.shoppbs.org/product/index.jsp?productId=2175911

Why Do Students Drop Out of School?

When asked this question, most people assume that kids drop out of school because they can’t handle the coursework. In fact, only about 35% of dropouts quit school because it’s too hard.

Some people think that kids drop out because they hate school – and feel alienated. That may be true for some kids, but the fact is, there is no “typical” dropout.

The reasons kids drop out of school are as complex and varied as their faces and their personal situations.
Here’s a list of some of the reasons kids drop out:

• Family trouble; poverty, violence, drugs, alcohol, too many responsibilities, needing to work and support family members.

• A family that moves a lot, especially in the city, so that the kid is forced to change schools often.

• Teen pregnancy.

• A bad attitude about school.

• The belief (not always inaccurate) that school is meaningless and irrelevant.

• Teachers and others who offer no help or support.

• Poor grades, failing, being held back a grade.

• Lack of involvement or motivation.

• Harsh discipline, suspension, probation for bad behavior.

• A difficult transition to ninth grade. (or fifth or third grade – yes the problem can start that early)

• Parents who are uninvolved, and negative about school

• Poor or no communication with families and support people.

• Absenteeism, consistent lateness and cutting class.

• Negative friendships with gangs or kids who hate school.

• Disregard for special needs, unrecognized talents, unencouraged abilities.

• Feeling like an outsider because of a learning disability or physical or other difference.

• Unacknowledged and sometimes untolerated language and cultural differences. It’s hard to learn in a situation where everyone is expected to share the same beliefs and learn in the same way.

Though this long list still doesn’t address all the potential risk factors, its important to keep in mind that sometimes the most unlikely kids succeed, and equally important, sometimes, the one who seems the most promising drops out.

Why? We think we may know.

Research has shown that no matter the situation, whether boy or girl, struggling student or gifted one, child from poverty or wealth, no matter the reason why they drop out, the reason kids stay in school is simple.

If they are going to stay in school and succeed in life, all kids need the same thing - All kids need strong, supportive relationships.

In fact, research shows that good relationships between kids at-risk and their teachers and/or mentors may significantly increase the chance that the student will not only stay in school, but increase their level of success throughout life.

Seems simple doesn't it? Yet forming strong relationships with kids can be one of the biggest challenges an educator or mentor can face. It takes heart and mind, and some creativity. How do you form strong relationships? What has NOT worked.

In the next post I will provide a surprisingly simple idea that does work, and takes no extra time or preparation.

Saying is Believing

“Self concept is an accumulation of the beliefs, opinions and attitudes which a person holds true about himself.”

I believe that the ability to be creative, to generate original thoughts and products is in all of us. Yet many of us never allow ourselves to express this part of ourselves because the messages we’ve received in school and at home have resulted in a lack of confidence in our abilities and ideas. What a loss, both to ourselves and those who might benefit from what we might have created.

The freedom to be creative, to try new ideas and experiences, discover new interests, experiment with new processes, and perhaps fail at any or all of these, is a gift. It is also pretty risky. For many potential writers, artists, engineers, inventors and cooks, the creative process is blocked by questions and doubts. What if things don’t turn out as we hope? What if no one recognizes what we are trying to do? What if we are wrong? What if we fall down, what if, what if ....?

The fear of failing, of making a fool of ourselves, of taking a chance is often enough to keep even the most creative person from expressing their ideas or taking action.

Teachers, parents and mentors can help kids lose some of their fears by becoming aware of the things that kids (and adults) say to themselves and others. Negative comments, from siblings, teachers, peers and parents can be painful and embarrassing. They also have a way of coming true. Put-downs can cause self-esteem and confidence to wither like a rose in winter. A positive atmosphere, in the classroom, program and home can enhance a kid’s willingness to take risks and help them to see themselves as capable of success. It can make all the difference.

A simple two step process will help nurture creativity and self confidence.

1. Identify the negative messages we give to ourselves and others.

2. Provide a list of optional messages with kinder and more positive things to say.

Negatives

Positives

I’m no good I’m so dumb I made a mistake I never do anything right She’s smarter than I am He’s better at sports than I am I never be good at this What a loser You really blew it That’s a stupid mistake That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard That will never work You can’t do that I’ll never be good at math I let everyone down I should have done better Everybody thinks I’m an idiot What a stupid idea

I’ll do better next time Everybody makes mistakes I learned something I am good at ... I really love sports I’m doing my best You really tried that time Stay calm, you will do better with practice I learn from my mistakes If this idea doesn’t work, the next one might I won’t know if I don’t try I’ll try again No one is good at everything I worked hard on that I answered some really tough questions I got a lot of the answers correct No one is perfect I have plenty more ideas

Sometimes a Mentor Needs a Mentor too!

I attended a basic mentor training for people who volunteer to work with kids. It was an interesting evening that brought home the point that whether we teach, volunteer, coach or mentor, the key to the work is not the skills we teach, but the relationships we make. This can be very challenging.

I left the training thinking that in spite of my education, and my broad and varied experience working with kids, I wish I that had had the chance to learn more about how to connect with kids, and how to handle the impact of their lives and behavior on my own emotions.

I have worked with kids all my life, starting as a pre-teen babysitter and moving on to day camp counselor, and then a summer camp counselor. I ran an after school arts and crafts program at the Y. I worked one-on-one with a very ill child (and his six siblings). I fulfilled my educational psychology requirements by volunteering with children in the psychiatric ward of a large NYC hospital.

After college, I spent several years doing recreation and occupational therapy in an adolescent psychiatric hospital. I’ve been a TAG teacher, an Olympics of the Mind coach, a mother helper, an artist in the schools; I’ve raised two children, and been part of the lives of numerous friends, scouts, classmates and neighbors.

In my many kid related jobs, I received lots of training, all of it related to research, skills and responsibilities of my job. None, as far as I can remember, was about relating to the kids. Now, when I look back, what stands out the most in my memory was not the days when everything went well, when the art projects got done, when all the kids were happy to play volleyball or write and share poetry, or hike all day. What I remember are the times when things went wrong, and I was unsure about the right thing to do, and where to turn for help.

Those of us who mentor, teach or work with kids make a commitment to do the best possible job we can. We sign up because we want to help kids, to teach them, to enrich their lives, to make the world better. We bring our skills, talents, and good intentions. But in spite of this, and even in the most ideal circumstances, things can (and do) go wrong. I was often unprepared to deal with the ‘surprise events’ that occurred; the moments that were not covered by my job description or training.

Though I was a whiz at creating a work of art out of mismatched tempera paints, dried out brushes, oatmeal boxes and scraps of wood, I had no idea what I supposed to do when a an angry parent arrived in the room yelling … at the kid, or at me.

Though I could organize games, or brainstorm seventeen things to do with a lemon and a paperclip, how could I best help the child who cried to me because her mother had “bumps in her breast?” What was the protocol to deal with a suicide threat written into a short story, or the time a kid ran away from a group outing?
No one ever taught me how to encourage a kid to talk, or get a reluctant kid to join a game. How was I to make a new kid feel welcome, or help a kid fit in, or defuse a fight between two kids who were bigger than me?

In each of these experiences, I did the best I could. My results cover the spectrum from inspiration to "I could have done better."
The mentor training made me realize that my job might have been easier and my results better if I had had a mentor – someone who talked to me about the challenges I faced when I chose to work with kids. Someone who had ideas, and knowledge and experiences that would have prepared me before I had to react, not after.

So these are my questions:

- What kinds of mentor training do you know about?

- If you were training someone to be a mentor, what is the most important thing you would share?

- Were you taught how to mentor? How, where? What did you learn?

- What do you wish you had learned?

Please use this blog to share your thoughts.

Boyz n the Book: Johnny can read, but won’t and who can blame him?

This post appeared first in my Making Connections blog on Thursday, November 6th, 2008. I was pleased to receive several thougthful comments, which I will include at the bottom of this post. I continue to welcome thoughts from men and boys about what inspired them to love reading, and what got in the way

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A thought provoking article in a recent Weekly Standard magazine points out that there are far more women than men in college these days. The article, Boyz n the Book: Johnny can read, but won’t and who can blame him? (by Mary Grabar) states that “a generation ago, women made up less than half of students. …In 2005 that made up 57 percent of fall enrollments, and the Department of Education estimates the gender discrepancies will increase every year in the foreseeable future.”

Why? The article suggests that the problems that boys are having with reading create a set of problems with study habits and school performance that affects their future success in school.

And, it suggests that their reading problems may be connected to a lack of male influence, and books written to appeal to their interests. “Socially … boys have few male reading role models at home or at school.”
Boys like action, danger, competition, conflict, tests of strength, and strategy,” in their play and their books. This may explain their love for video games, especially those that “present a quest in which the imperiled hero tries to find clues or treasures so he can go on to the next level.” But, the article points to a “lack of ‘masculine’ books that appeal to boys on such topics as sports, war and competition.”

Research on children’s reading interests “consistently shows that boys like to read nonfiction, especially historical nonfiction, (biographies, books on important wars/battles), adventure stories, books on sports, books on facts, and science fiction. Yet, most of the books assigned in school are novels or memoirs.”

Pair this with the fact that most librarians and teachers are women; that mothers read to children more frequently than fathers, and that “those responsible for promoting reading … promote those virtues that appeal to girls, … games and books that tend toward the virtues of cooperation and sensitivity,” and a possible answer to why boys don’t read as much as girls (and therefore are less academically successful) begins to take shape.

The research in this article makes it clear that if we are to encourage boys to love reading, they need books that provide masculine themes and role models. They need stories about soldiers, heroes, male athletes and adventurers. They need to find what they love in books … AND YOU CAN HELP.

Men, please tell me about your favorite books. What books turned you on (or off) to reading? What books do you teach in your classrooms? What books inspired you? Which were the ones you could not put down? Which are the ones the boys you work with love the best? What books would you recommend for the boys you know?

If you could suggest one way to get boys to read, based on your experience, what would you suggest?

Please share your answers and comments here – click on the COMMENT button below. Thank you in advance for your responses.
COMMENTS:
• I always loved to read - even though my Dad wasn’t a reader - except for newspapers. Favorite books - anything by Assimov or Clark, whether from their SciFi or hard science collections. Also loved Hawaii, and the classics.
• What was a turn off for me was having to write book reports. That took all the joy out of the books I read.

• Best way to get boys - or girls for that matter to read is to read to them and/or bring them to a good library with a solid story hour program. What is key is that the reader put an effort into his or her reading so as to bring the characters alive. A flat or dull tone will not work.
• I think the key is to help boys find books about topics they already like. For me it was sports and adventure. I read lots of magazines such as Sports Illustrated and National Geographic. Books - anything on football, basketball, baseball, track. Adventure stories about climbing Mt. Everest, K2, Annapurna, about exploration - Antarctica, Magellan, Sir Francis Drake, etc. The books can be about the topic, or they can be biographies about the people involved. The biographies, if selected well, can impart broader life lessons to kids.
• Speaking from my own experience only, neither of my parents read for pleasure. My mother did try the last 10 years of her life. I never did either. What I read were how-to books; manuals for a wide variety of devices, everything from tools to computers, to how to build or fix something. When I went to Engineering School I did more of this type of reading. All this reading had to be done slowly and carefully. It wasn’t done for fun; it was done to learn something. Reading was for accuracy not fun. And it frequently got tiring. What I did like was Shakespeare. It too had to be read slowly due to the difference in the language. I enjoyed reading most after seeing the play. Then I didn’t have to struggle with the language.

• I never liked sport or war stories. I never had exposure to adventure stories; perhaps they would have been attractive to me.
• The research in the story you cite and the previous comments track with my own experience. As a child I remember reading sections in an old set of Encyclopedias we had - descriptions of far away places like Rome and Athens that I had heard about in stories.

• I especially agree with the comments about using magazines. Most younger kids have a short attention span, and magazines like Sports Illustrated or ESPN magazine have great photos to help tell the story, but are also well-written. For much younger kids, don’t forget about comic books. I used to read and re-read the same 40 or 50 comic books all summer when I was 7 or 8 years old.

From the Heart: 12 Things that You Can Do for Your Schools and Community

Teachers (and mentors and anyone who works with kids)  need all the help they can get, so, today, some ideas for how parents and community volunteers can help enrich classrooms and afterschool programs, and, at the same time, support kids.

1. Teach what you know. Offer a workshop on personal finance, watercolor painting, organic gardening or Russian folktales. Your perspective and knowledge can enrich any lesson or project. Design a presentation, or some activities and materials around your area of expertise so that even when you have left the building, your knowledge stays behind.
2. Volunteer in after-school workshops, classroom enrichment, or tutoring to small groups of interested participants (kids and/or adults).
3. Teach the teacher or mentor. Are you an educator, a technology professional, a therapist? In what ways can your professional skills be used to help the people who work one on one with your kids? Be creative, be willing to help. Do not push!
4. Spend some money, (if you can). Sponsor a class or building membership in an organization (such as one for gifted learners.) Sponsor an Artist in the School, or provide art supplies, educational software, books (used can be great) or a subscription to a publication that either kids or teachers can use and enjoy.
5. Spend your time. Assist teachers by making or locating materials they need for special (and regular) activities. Update the website, edit a parent newsletter, ask … how can I help? Ask again.
6. Connect with the community. Help busy teachers by taking the time to locate mentors for kids with special needs, resources for families, and other community people who have skills and knowledge that will enrich the classroom and fill the needs you see.
7. Communicate with other parents and community members. (See update the website above). Encourage them to participate in parent groups, classroom and building activities, and to chose from the items on this list so that they too can help to enrich the school environment.
8. Translate information, or be willing to communicate with families in whatever way is needed.
9. Who do you know? Do you someone with an interesting career? Someone whose experiences would be of interest and value to kids? Is there someone who can bring music, or art, or culture into the classroom? Arrange for guest speakers. TIP: Also, ask people with special knowledge or expertise to recommend (or provide) resources, websites, books or magazines so that kids will be able to continue their learning.
10. Collaborate with teachers, other parents and students to coordinate and participate in special events. You might: Invite an author for a literary evening, a story teller, direct a play, publish and distribute a collections of resources, run a Family Math or Science Night, design and plant a garden, host a dinner, organize a cultural fair.
11. Show YOUR love of learning. Support what you believe in. Model the behaviors you value.
12. Get involved.

10 Ways to Help Kids Feel Productive, Not Pressured

Do you want to encourage kids to feel productive without feeling pressured? Do you want to create a classroom or family climate that focuses not on being right, or being successful, but on the pleasure of doing?

Try these guidelines:

1. Discover kids passions. Watch what they are most eager to do. Ask them what they love to do, what they would like to learn, what makes them happy. Use this information to direct them to projects and activities that somehow relate to what they love.
2. Find ways to integrate their passions into the things they need to do. (For example, when my bicycle loving son needed to present information as a classroom assignment, he got an old bike wheel, and placed a card with one piece of info on every spoke.)
3. Try to provide challenges without conveying expectations of perfection.
4. Create opportunities for kids to help and share with other students.
5. Teach and encourage research skills so that kids know how and where to find information about topics that interest them, as well as topics they need to know more about.
6. Encourage questions, discussion and disagreement.
7. Encourage independent work on projects and create opportunities for kids to share the learning and their products that reflect their interests and talents.
8. Encourage follow-through and completion. This is a great way to teach commitment.
9. Be positive. Appreciate every kid at his or her own level. This is how you help kids gain self-esteem.
10. Design open-ended activities which can be completed at many levels. (Some kids confidently view a complete story as six sentences and a picture, others, may fill entire notebooks before they are done.

And one more ... remind kids, as often as needed, that mistakes offer opportunities to learn, and to discover new and different ways to do things.

How do YOU help kids feel productive? What makes YOUR kids feel pressured? Use the Comment box below to share your thoughts.

1. And one more

How to Make a Difference

Paul Torrance, author and writer best know for his research on creativity, asked a group of kids to think about the characteristics and traits of the "teachers who made a difference" in their lives. Torrance believed that these traits apply to parents, mentors and others who play a part in the lives of kids. His survey determined that "all of these special people":

• Communicate through words and actions that the child, his or her beliefs, feelings and behaviors, are important.
• Make it easy for kids to identify, express and accept their feelings.
• Convey understanding and acceptance of their own feelings. Make it clear that they value the whole child, not just special abilities, behaviors or achievements.
• Help kids to see their own special qualities, and express that they value these.
• Allow and encourage kids to pursue special interests.
• Set aside some focused time to be with the child.
• Give encouragement and support for attempts, not just for successes.
• Emphasize the value of cooperation, and are themselves models to show that working together works for everyone.